The  Thai  Family 

At the centre of Thai culture stands the family. Even though Thai society is radically changing the respect Thais hold for the family seems unflinching.

It is evident that Thais have a hierarchical relationship with other family members which is also evident in Thai society as a whole. Authority figures are treated with respect. My wife would find it totally intolerable if I began making “mother-in-law” jokes or other digs at the person she respects to an absolute extent. It is the same relationship Thais have with their King – any small sign of disrespect is frowned upon.

For a Westerner it takes a while to get used to these hierarchies and the kind of etiquette it implies.

When I first visited my wife’s village I was baffled by how many grandmothers she had. Whenever an elderly lady approached us I was quickly reminded to show my respect. My wife would say “grandmother.” And show me the wai expecting me to quickly follow suit. It seems that some of these “grandmothers” may not even be related to the people showing them this respect. They gain the status of “grandmothers” because they have played a role in bringing up a lot of the children within a compound or the local area, so in accordance with good manners they should be addressed in this respectful way.

Another thing I found peculiar was how my wife had always referred to her sister as her "younger" sister during the first few days I knew her. It was only later when I saw a photo of them together that I discovered they were twins. I thought my wife had been pulling my leg, but when questioned about it she just had that look of total bafflement which showed that here was another culture gap.

The relationship between siblings within a Thai family is acutely bound up with the order in which they were born. An elder sister is always expected to be the most responsible and help her mother take care of younger siblings as they grow up and later on in life she is also expected to take care of her mother if she falls sick. My wife’s older sister has had to leave her job in Bangkok lately to travel home to look after her mum for a couple of weeks due to illness. This has meant that she has now lost her job, but this seems unimportant compared to her main responsibility or concern in life.

My wife is then the second-oldest member of her siblings (by a few minutes). This small difference has, however, meant quite a few things to her as she was given more responsibility than her twin sister and was also not given the opportunity to go onto a further education as family funds were limited. But my wife has accepted this state of affairs as natural and she finds it funny that I seem to question it so much.

Finally, the all-important aspect of my wife’s family relations and how it affects us is the responsibility and love she feels for her mother. I do not think this is comparable to how many Westerners relate to their mothers. One of the things that makes my wife the happiest is being able to send money home to provide for her mother. Thais seem brought up to honour this deep-felt debt that they owe to their parents for bringing them up from an early stage. The hierarchical ordering of the family seems designed to make sure that Thai children thoroughly understand that their main role in life is to repay the debts they owe their parents. How you fit into the hierarchy may determine what kind of help you should provide for your parents in their old age. The elder daughter should take a direct role in looking after her parents and the two younger daughters should assist their older sister financially in doing this. If the younger children ignore their part in helping out then they will not just let down their parents but also their older siblings.

In any case, if your Thai family falls on hard times they will find it inconceivable to try to turn for help to the Village Chief or the Government – it will always be the family that is called upon.  

If you have any comments to this article please add them here