Thai Smiles

An un-nerving thing for a Westerner can be trying to decode the Thai state of mind. In the Land of Smiles foreigners are often taken in by the seemingly open charm of Thais most often expressed by a natural smile and then subsequently frustrated as they find that their own Western interpretations of smiling do not hold up.

In Thailand smiles are genuine. It is not some sort of smart salesman technique the Thais are practising – the act of smiling is closely bound up with the Thai way of life. However, as smiling is such an ever-present and essential part of social interaction Thai smiles are ultimately complex.

A Thai smile can be a sign of kindness, of forgiveness, or friendly inclinations; a smile may also be merely polite, a way to smooth interaction or a sign that one is willing to listen. A smile may indicate agreement, or self-confidence, but may also be a means to gently express one’s opposition or doubt. A person on the defensive may smile, and one may smile when sad, or hurt, or even insulted. It has been said that the Thais have a smile for every emotion, and with so many nuances of smiling, the smile often hides more than it reveals.

So why do Thais smile so much? It seems to be closely tied up with the hierarchical way Thais relate to each other. A Thai will use his or her smile to facilitate an interaction with strangers in which these individuals flow past each other without hindrance or obstacle. Both inferior and superior interlocutors in Thai meetings use their smiles to keep interaction pleasant. The superior interlocutor will smile to show benevolence and avoid making the inferior feel slighted or repressed. Similarly, the inferior interlocutor will have politely and subtly used his smile and the Wai-gesture to indicate his or her lower position. As Thais measure each other up in terms of relative status upon initial meetings the smile signifies the reaching of a sort of consensus. Not smiling would probably signify a rejection of the other person’s idea of where he or she is in the social hierarchy.

As long as the atmosphere of friendliness dominates, status and hierarchy will be accepted and appreciated.

When Thais interact with people who do not form part of their intimate connections they often perceive each other as potentially harmful as real intentions are often kept hidden. Consequently, strangers and superiors need to be placated by polite and pleasant behaviour. The ritual smile often hides insecurity and anxiety. Avoiding any form of confrontation is the ultimate objective. If you know your place, accept life as it comes and show this by a constant effort to make other feel at ease you will gain the respect of other Thais. To present oneself politely is a good way to control situations; this pleasant façade is often a way of manipulation that ultimately keeps people at a distance.

Contrarily, it is disturbing, and sometimes even a frightening experience when people fail to smile and merely show a stern face. In such situations Thais feel insecure, anticipating trouble, because the atmosphere of smoothness seems to have been disturbed by ulterior, threatening motives. What’s even worse is if a Thai smile is reciprocated by a probing stare. This will be seen as gross disrespect. By doing this you are showing that you are trying to pierce through the Thai person’s façade. You are not accepting his or hers outward presentation to you. Thais are not superficial but attach the greatest importance to keeping “face”, and if someone tries to violate this then the response could be very extreme.

In the Western world, a smile is read like a barometer, as an index of inner satisfaction. Smiles may be false, like speech, but their meaning, true or not, is fixed. Smiling as part of social interaction in the West is not necessary, indeed frequent smiling can raise suspicions eg. politicians or used car salesmen. If a Westerner smiles he or she is running a personal risk because the smile may not be reciprocated. This can often cause stiff nervous smiles on Westerners' faces that look like some bizarre grimaces when compared with any of the day to day smiles of Thais.

During my first visit to my wife’s village I became disconcerted by the way my wife and her family interacted with a drunk Westerner who spent the majority of an evening lambasting their ways and manners as well as most other aspects of Thai culture. Even though the Westerner spoke in English it must have been clear to my new family that he was being rude and disrespectful. Their response, however, was to treat him in the most pleasant manner. There was nothing in their behaviour that displayed hidden contempt or fake nervous smiling.

As we in the West believe that smiles must reveal the inner state of a person’s feelings towards others, I began to think that my new Thai family were being fake and it worried me that they seemed to be so good at pretending. Maybe I had misread their true feelings towards me since they seemed so able at making an obviously unpleasant character feel well at ease.

I now realise that Thais have a far better way of dealing with such situations than we do in the West. The Thai way of reacting to someone who has temporarily lost control of himself is to be extremely circumspect, tolerant and outwardly friendly. People endlessly try to soothe and appease the drunk in order to avoid confrontation. As the avoidance of confrontation is a prime virtue for Thais it is natural for them to use all their social skills in attaining this.

To Thais smiling is not an expression of some inner self, but has just as much to do with the external context. Thais can find a natural charm and smile in dealing with even very unpleasant people to preserve social harmony and order. Trying to decode a Thai person’s inner feelings through observing their outward smiles seems futile. 

Picture courtesy of Todd Bennett  

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